Redefining Myself.

It's been a while now and a few things have definitely changed.

First, our daughter was born in the summer. It has been a great and wonderful adventure to be able to stay home and raise her. It's such a blessing to have her in our lives.

Second. One day I went for a walk with my daughter in the stroller which gave me a lot of time to myself to think about what I was doing. I needed some direction and, if you've read other posts, I needed something to do. I got caught up in the "new mom" cycle (meaning taking a shower was a luxury, trying to be the "good" housewife and putting on make up was an adventure). I wasn't taking time for me and I really wanted it. It bothered me that I couldn't eat chocolate because it impacted my nursing. It bugged me that I had to rush through a shower (I LOVE a good shower). Pretty much what I'm saying is that I went from this woman who worked and had a fair amount of independence and individuality to a woman who looked like a zombie. In short, I had a realization that I had to redefine myself. I had (have) to accent other things in my life that define me. I was a married teacher with no children. I am now a woman who is a mother that enjoys teaching and many other things that I can do inside and outside the home.

While on this walk with my daughter I thought to myself, "What do I like to do?" "What did I do before my daughter, other than teaching, that defined me?" I find it fascinating how much teaching really defined me. To boast a little, I am a good teacher. The students like(d) me and it was a blast. I loved the energy the students brought; I loved pushing students to new levels of thinking and seeing them develop their capacity to fully think through topics and respectfully and intellectually debate. Now I am home talking "baby talk" to my daughter (which is so much fun by the way) and I catch myself talking to myself. But was teaching the only thing that described me? Was that my only talent? For a long time, I thought so. I really didn't do anything else. Teaching consumed me. It was something that I enjoyed but on this walk I realized it wasn't the only thing that was me.

As I pushed the stroller up the hills and trying to think about me I realized something. I'm one of those people that doesn't really want to be like everybody else but still want to be accepted by everybody else (which I think is everybody's aspiration). I know a lot of people have various hobbies and talents but I wanted something different. Not to hate because I don't, but I don't want to be an amateur photographer or someone who decorates cakes as a hobby because it seems like that's what everybody does. I wanted something different; something that people would say, "Wow, you have done/do what now?" And then it hit me what I should do. It was perfect.

I am not just a teacher. I am a woman who _______